Sunday, June 22, 2008

Halfway There

Well, I did it. I finally did what was best for me in my relationship with J. And what was best for me was to end it. It was a scary thing for me to do. I dislike being alone. I surround myself with people constantly and it was nice to have a guy in my life, however superficial our relationship was. And it was superficial. He couldn't give me what I need, which is a real relationship. And I told him exactly that. I told him that I needed more than he could give me and that I couldn't continue to see him. The hardest part was leading up to telling him. It was a really hard thing to do. But once I did it I felt amazingly light. I felt relieved. It was the right thing to do. I feel like I can finally say that I deserve better and I'm sick of settling because I'm afraid of being alone. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who's not right for me.

I think I'm going to spend the summer working on me. I'm going to improve myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm going to work on being happier with the person I am. Believe me, I've come miles from the person I used to be. My self-confidence and love of life has dramatically increased in the past year. However, the fact that I keep finding myself in relationships with less than savory men just because they give me a little attention proves that I have a little more work to do. I'll get there, though. :)