Sunday, June 8, 2008

I Am Changing

Okay, I'm going to be painfully honest here. I have been feeling lately that so many beautiful, smart women with everything in the world going for them act stupid around men. I would definitely include myself in this category. Here I am, still crazy about J even though I know he is in all likelihood lying to me. I have so many girlfriends in the same boat. Great girls who fall for guys who don't deserve them and don't give them what they need. I've spent lots of time and effort trying to tell these friends that they are battling for a lost cause, while, hypocrite as I am, I continue to let J call all of the shots with me. And no, he is not giving me what I need. And yes, I do realize that the likelihood of this "relationship" working out is probably less than 1%, and yet I continue. Stupid. But isn't realizing your own stupidity the next step to getting over it? I have been single (more or less) for the past four years. I am ready for a relationship, but I am going about it in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE. So, I resolve to GET SMART. I also realize that it doesn't matter what I say to my girlfriends in similar situations. They will do what they are going to do regardless of what I tell them. They need to realize what they are worth THEMSELVES. Then they will change. After all, I never really listened to my friends' warnings. Changing is something I have to make up my mind to do myself. And I will make this change... in time.


~E said...

I agree. Let us make our own mistakes...the better to learn from them and all. And I agree. Realizing that there is something wrong with the picture is the first step to doing something about it.